So, on to the next rut. The pathology department head was a very busy sole. I wanted to leave specific instructions for containment and shipping my removed implants to Nebraska with him. He also didn't understand my urgency. I'm sure most of you are aware, that if you don't know the manufacturer, you don't have a case. No attorneys' office will take you as a client, and you can't participate in the MDL revised settlement. He later called me at home, much more hospitable. He had called the hospital's attorney which made him realize how important this was to me. Generally a hospital will not release tissue, etc. removed from the body as it is considered bio-hazardous material. I was also told earlier by others, not to indicate this on the box, or shipping companies may not handle it. We agreed that I would type up a letter requesting my implants be sent via Federal Express to Resch Engineering in Nebraska. It was recommended for me not to handle the implants myself for legal reasons. I wouldn't want Surgitek to say I had the time to tamper with them. Just prior to surgery, I gave the letter to his staff. It would take him 2 or 3 days to do his pathology report first. Everything had to be done quickly. Time was of the essence.

I only had about 15 days left to prove my manufacturer. I knew from the original implanting doctor that they were either Surgitek or Dow Corning. But, since Dow Corning had filed bankruptcy, that would not be good. I had received my notice from MDL that I now had 45 days to decide whether to stay in the revised settlement or pursue litigation with an attorney on my own. It had taken about 3 months to decide on who would be my plastic surgeon and the method of surgery. Should I be re-implanted with implants per all five surgeons suggestions or be potentially flat on one side. I had always been small breasted prior to augmentation, but not flat.

Some of the surgeons asked me if I wanted to use silicone again. Obviously I didn't have them perform the surgery. It took a long time to realize what the surgeons were telling me. I just didn't want to accept the fact they were going to have to remove part of my breast tissue as well as the implants. The original surgery was purely cosmetic - I mean it was suppose to make me look better. I decided against saline as well, because of it's numerous problems with possible fungus growth and that the outer shell is still made of silicone. I figure if my body was already having problems with silicone, I don't need to get any sicker.

Also if I had chosen implants again, some of the plastic surgeons wanted to place it under the muscle tissue. Two of them would have wanted to cut a portion of the base of my pectoral muscle to release it for proper shaping. Can you imagine if the silicone broke again and invaded the muscle tissue. It too would have to be removed. The saline implants outer shell is somewhat thicker and can cause a ripple look effect if placed just under the breast tissue or skin, so if it had been selected, would also go under the muscle tissue according to most of the surgeons I saw. Some surgeons also believe placing implants under the muscle tissue is suppose to reduce the hardening with scar tissue forming, which I had problems with. Then there were differing views on using the same under breast scar or at the nipple area. The doctor I chose made me understand, that if I did too much around the nipple area, I could lose the blood supply completely and it could die.

My rupture originally showed on a routine mammogram in late December 1996. They had been in for over 13 years and were to suppose to last forever. Although I never received a written warranty, I was led to believe this to be true by a qualified reputable surgeon. If I were to have been shown how thin the outer shell was or the sticky consistency of the insides, and told what would happen if they ever did rupture by infiltrating the surrounding breast tissue - I don't believe I would have had them implanted. I remember seeing silicone breast implants at the doctors office on the first visit. They seemed quite firm, but subtle enough to move and change their shape in my hands. I somehow thought in my own mind, that the outer shell was thicker than in actuality and that the inside material was more of a solid matter. I was 'shocked' when I saw their 'true' characteristics just today.

Although it has been a week since my implants first arrived at my door, I've just today gotten the desire to do some of my own personal scientific research. I've always been a curious type. At one time I had considered being a nurse, but ruled it out because I never liked the site of blood. I slowly removed the first plastic jar, about the size of a coffee mug, from the two sets of bags. The inside bag was a sealed bag from the hospital. Of course this one was no longer sealed, as had been already opened in Nebraska.They were now able to be returned to me after 3 months since the manufacturer had been identified and MDL had accepted my proof.

Of course here was another huge rut I had to deal with. The letter of manufacturer proof ID from Dr. Resch stated his findings were not on Bristol-Surgitek's Unique Qualifiers list. If you are unaware of this list, it defines markings that are acceptable for certain models of different manufacturers. Well, mine wasn't listed. I thought, now what. Time was definitely running out. I had only one week left to decide to opt-out or not. I discovered that if you decided to go ahead and opt-out, you would have another 30 days to rescind it. So I chose to opt out, which would at least give me another 30 days. Of course, you have to realize, I just had surgery as well. I mean I'm not exactly feeling too hot. Here I've got long drain tubes coming out the bottom of each breast to help prevent infection. And I still don't even know what I'm going to look like because of the bandages or how much tissue had to be removed. And remember I can't get an attorney too interested because I've yet to positively prove my manufacturer.

I call back to Dr. Resch for help. He suggested I contact an attorney who was known to work with getting some of these type of cases approved for the MDL settlement. That number was wrong, she was no longer at that office. So I contacted the number to call for legal help that was in my MDL papers. He said he would try to help. Get this, he mentioned the same woman that I had been trying to get hold of before. She was now in Houston, TX. Many faxes and calls ensue. She is very good about getting back to me. She understands my urgency. She had been asked by a federal judge to work with some of these cases. You see Surgitek and the other manufacturers in the settlement would rather you stay in the settlement to avoid possibly higher settlements in the courtroom on definite merited cases. She is working directly with another woman who works at Bristol-Myers. They don't want to accept Dr. Resch's statement of ID for my implants. How many ruts is that now, I've lost track! She calls Dr. Resch. Bristol who made my Surgitek implants wants more proof. They want him to take photos to show the rings. Like I've got time. His exact specific measurements in millimeters and description is not enough for them. Ok, at this point I decide I will probably just get an attorney and stay opted out. Then Dr. Resch puts up a photo of one of the implants shells on his web site. Under a secured access name of course. All of this takes place over a few more days.

I cannot tell you how many calls I have made to attorneys and support members in the past few months. Some calls were wasted energy where I was just spinning my wheels. But others were very informative. I got just enough information from one person to lead me to the next. At this point I also got hold of two attorney firms that were actually possibly willing to take my case. Now I said possibly. One was based in New York and the other in the Los Angeles area. I had to answer lots of questions regarding disease claim, the rupture, etc. I think because I had a serious rupture, was why they were interested. They felt like they would really be able to win this one. Some cases are pretty vague with disease and they are not sure how strong the case will be. One firms goal was to group several cases of various strengths together for battle. I was warned by both firms that it could be 2-5 years or more before it had a chance to come up for settlement. Have you heard of the true shortage of Federal Judges. They are trying to get more appointed by Clinton, but hasn't happened as of yet. The attorneys' papers they requested me to fill out stated they could at any time, quit being my attorney. Well, what have I got to worry about, my case is solid. The disease portion however is much more difficult to prove than rupture. I fit the GCTS criteria however and the rupture as well. I mailed the lengthy forms back to the attorneys and called to follow-up soon after. They would let me know if they would take the case very soon. I know have only a few days left.

What to do next. I don't have time to be sick. I'm suppose to be working too. I have my own small business to run. The attorney in Houston finally gets back to me to my surprise and happiness. She says Bristol has agreed to accept my proof finally. They will fax her a signed form to that effect yet that day. She will then fax it to me by the next day. Another rut, you say. Of course I didn't get the fax the next day. I have to call her again - she has to call the lady at Bristol again. She is out of the office for the day. Next day get the fax! Yea! I'm on a roll now.

Final decision - get an attorney - who may pull out at any time - or stay in the settlement. After talking with lots of attorneys who couldn't promise anything for sure, I decided to stay in the settlement. Of course, I also worry that Bristol might file for bankruptcy too, just like Dow Corning. I'll just have to cross that rut, if and when it gets here. I also understand there has been no success with attorneys' suing the plastic surgeons. Apparently the plastic surgeons are able to pass the buck of guilt back onto the manufacturers very well. All they have to say, is that's what the manufacturers claimed to them. Their sales reps and brochures said they were great products. You have to be able to show that the surgeon was negligent or doing something out of the ordinary at that time period. My surgeon told me to do closed capsulectomies when they got hard. Apparently that was common practice in 1983. I have read today, not to do it or risk having ruptures. I wonder if I attributed to my own rupture by doing that for years. You see I have found out that the outer shell weakens over the years. The rupture rate of implants 12 years and older is much higher than their first few years.

Back to my hands on research. I open the first container very slowly. I worry about the formaldehyde type smell. All the windows are open on this summer day. I remember Biology class and walking out of the classroom with my friend in 10th grade when we were suppose to dissect a frog. We were suppose to do it, or fail the class. No one was going to make me do that. I already did a worm which that smelly stuff got squirted in my eye. So, here I am earlier today. I decided to approach it as a pathologist would.

The container contained part of the ruptured shell and the gooey insides. It was very clear and there is no smell. It was not placed in a preservative. Shall I or shall I not touch it. Maybe I should use a plastic spoon or gloves? Well, then I couldn't feel it. After all it was already in my body for over 13 years. What else can it do? Sticky, sticky stuff. Let me try to describe it for those of you who have never had the opportunity to touch this stuff. I picked some up between my thumb and finger. It stretched and then came off on my fingers. I didn't know if it would spring back or what, but it came off. I've got a wad on my fingertips. It's a cross between silicone glue and vaseline. Oily like vaseline but clear like the glue and stickier than vaseline. I try to get it off and can't. It's really sticky. Stringy like hot mozzarella cheese on a pizza, but not as thick. I can move my fingers two inches apart and still have some on both fingers. I immediately see why you should see an experienced doctor for removal of these silicone implants. At first I thought they could just vacuum it out during surgery or use some kind of removal agent. But, now I understand. It sticks to anything and everything. Decide I better get some more to test. Then pick up the shell part in there. I can't pick it up even though it's right on top. It's a big piece but slippery. Finally pull hard and the whole jar comes up with it. Ok so now it's on all my fingers. Do I feel a slight burning sensation on some of my fingers. Time to get it off my hands. I found that if you touch the main part in the jar, most of it comes off my fingers. Got the majority off that way.

Then went to the sink to wash it off. Right - another rut. Soap and water will not remove silicone. Next paper towels to wipe off as much as possible. Can't see any more, but leftover oily residue still there. Time for Comet. Need an abrasive cleaner to get it off. Had to use Comet three times between rinses and paper towels twice. Had to look at the Comet container to see if made by Dow. Nope, it's a Proctor and Gamble product. Do you think Proctor and Gamble could invent a remover for silicone? I guess not.

On to the next container. They all have separate markings for left and right and what's in them. The last one was left goo. This one is the right goo. Same stuff, just more of it. How come there's less in this jar than the other one. Quite a bit less, like 30% less. I don't have to think too long. The left side was ruptured into the breast tissue. That means my breast tissue is here too. I'll save that container for last, or never.

On to Door #3, remember the Let's Make a Deal show. You never knew what was behind the curtain you were selecting. I got the winner this time! I thought I was saving it for last. Here it is, the one with breast tissue. I stare at it. Certainly don't wan't to touch it. Smells from the formalin used at the pathology dept. Not as bad as biology class though. Yuck, but will I pass out. No, I am a junior pathologist. I must do this. Looks like chicken soup with big pieces of chicken. There are several pieces including 6 larger ones. The larger ones are about 2" x 1" sections that have been sliced like a loaf of bread. I think that was probably done in pathology looking for other problems. Lots of fatty tissue as well. The larger pieces have lots of holes in them similar to swiss cheese. Some of the holes still have the sticky stuff in them. I'm using a plastic spoon, no fingers on this stuff. Time to close that one up. My biology teacher would be proud.

The next two are much easier. They hold my left and right scar capsules. For those that don't know, these should be removed at time of explantation even without rupture. This is the tissue which surrounds the implant. I open just one. Two pieces reside looking about the size and shape of two raw oysters again in formalin solution. It appears that the tissue is about 1/16" thick, but shrank up into a ball. It also has some of the implant shell attached, which is really hard like plastic. Maybe the formalin made it harder? Don't know.

The last Ziploc bag contains one of my implant shells. It is just flat without any silicone. Fairly clear with round rings in center. I open up the baggie to touch it. It is so thin, oily, stretchy and very flexible. It appears to be thinner than a ziploc freezer bag, but thicker than a regular sandwich baggie. I can stretch the piece to about twice it's normal length.

Well, I guess that about wraps it up. Get it - wraps it up. I had to try to be a bit humorous while doing this. I guess the next thing is to put all these things back into their box. Geeez, where to store them in the house. Another rut.

Another rut is getting my insurance to pay for my surgery. They paid the hospital, but only want to pay a small amount to the surgeon. They expect me to pay $2000 as balance to the surgeon. They said they don't pay on complications on cosmetic surgeries, i.e. the rupture. Funny thing is, I can't get them to understand that they are already paying on a complication from a cosmetic surgery. You see, they will pay for removal, but not complications because of rupture. Go figure. I will be appealing their decision and writing to the insurance commissioner.

Next is another surgery in probably October. To remove the balance of silicone which showed up on a recent MRI and some corrective surgery to help with my looks as best as possible.

I wanted to write this while it was still fresh in my memory and perhaps to help anyone else throughout the world if they are considering fooling with silicone. Maybe if I can help just one other person, perhaps that's why this happened to me. I had some disease symptoms, but did not originally associate it with my implants. If I can answer any other questions, you may e-mail me at: creativedesigns@juno.com or through Ilena's e-mail.