Just Dad

Date: Sun, 29 Aug 1999 23:05:03 -0500

From: "Ruby Bartlett"

Thought you would enjoy. Aunt Carolyn sent it to us. Love Dad

A Letter from a Redneck Mother to her Daughter.....

Dear Child:

I am writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well though. Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen the laundry since.

The weather isn't too bad here, it rained twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days, and the second time it rained for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

We got another bill from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes.

Your brother John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him 2 hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Joe fell in a whiskey vat the other day. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for 3 days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love, Mom

PS - I was going to send you some money, but the envelope was already sealed.